Living with chronic illness creates ripples that affect every part of my life. It’s made working difficult, finding love challenging, maintaining friendships hard, and has strained my finances. I try not to dwell on what my life might be like without chronic illness, but sometimes, when I see the contrast so clearly, I can’t help but feel envious of those who lead a life not touched by disease.
Envy and Chronic Illness: Navigating the Complex Emotions
Envy is a powerful and often stigmatized emotion that I’ve grappled with since being diagnosed with a chronic illness. Chronic illness already brings a host of challenges, including physical pain, fatigue, and emotional strain — all of which can be intensified by feelings of envy toward those who are healthy and how their lives are unfolding. I don’t like feeling envious; I understand its ugly nature. Yet, at times, I cannot help but feel it.
Causes of Envy in Chronic Illness
I’ve lost a lot since my rheumatoid arthritis (RA) diagnosis at 29. I’ve lost the ability to work as an esthetician, friends and family who couldn’t cope with my illness, and my physical health that let me live freely and enjoy life without constant pain and fatigue. Chronic illness isn’t a one-time loss; it’s a prolonged journey where bits of yourself slip away over time.
Envy in the context of chronic illness often stems from the stark contrast between the lives of those who are healthy and those who are not. Healthy individuals can take their physical capabilities and overall well-being for granted, while those with chronic illnesses are acutely aware of their limitations. This disparity can lead to feelings of envy as I long for the ease and freedom that healthy people enjoy.
Some of my personal triggers include seeing people posting their vacations, family events, nights out, concert photos — anything I know I can’t do because my chronic illness has either prevented or taken away. Social media exacerbates these feelings. Watching friends and acquaintances effortlessly engage in activities that are challenging or impossible for me is a constant reminder of what I am missing and what I yearn for.
One of my dreams is to be able to accomplish things without pain or causing extreme fatigue. This can lead to a cycle of envy and self-criticism. I often feel inadequate or resentful about my situation.
Effects of Envy on Mental Health
The effects of envy on my mental health can be profound. Chronic envy can lead to feelings of bitterness, resentment, and depression. It can erode self-esteem and create a sense of isolation, making me feel alone in my struggles.
Envy can also strain relationships, causing me to withdraw from social interactions or harbor negative feelings toward friends and family members who are healthy.
Envy most definitely impacts my ability to manage my chronic illness effectively. The emotional toll of constantly comparing myself to others can lead to increased stress, which often exacerbates symptoms. Envy can also lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as neglecting self-care or engaging in negative self-talk. It triggers anxiety and depression, which leads to poorer outcomes with my RA.
Strategies for Coping with Envy
Coping with envy requires a multifaceted approach that includes self-awareness, acceptance, and proactive strategies for managing emotions. These strategies don’t eliminate the emotion — and sometimes they don’t work at all — but they can help.
Self-Awareness
The first step in coping with envy is recognizing and acknowledging its presence. I feel it; it’s an ugly emotion, but it is natural. This involves being honest with yourself about feelings of envy and understanding that it is a natural and common emotion. Keeping a journal can be helpful in identifying triggers and patterns of envy.
Acceptance
Acceptance involves acknowledging the reality of your chronic illness and the limitations it imposes. This does not mean giving up hope, but rather finding a way to coexist with the illness. Acceptance can help me focus on what I can do, rather than what I cannot.
Gratitude
Practicing gratitude can shift the focus from what is lacking to what is present. Focusing on the things I am thankful for can help reframe my perspective and reduce feelings of envy.
Mindfulness and Therapy
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, can help you stay present and reduce the tendency to compare yourself to others. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can also be effective in addressing negative thought patterns and developing healthier coping strategies.
Building a Support Network
Connecting with others who have similar experiences can provide a sense of community and understanding. Support groups, both in-person and online, can offer a safe space to share feelings and receive encouragement.
Setting Realistic Goals
Setting achievable goals can provide a sense of accomplishment and purpose. Celebrating small victories can help me focus on my progress rather than my limitations.
Limiting Social Media Use
Reducing time spent on social media or curating feeds to include more supportive and positive content can help mitigate feelings of envy.
Don’t Feel Guilty for Feeling Envious
Envy is a complex emotion that can significantly impact those living with chronic illnesses. Understanding the causes and effects of envy, and employing strategies to cope with it, can help individuals navigate their emotional landscape more effectively.
By fostering self-awareness, acceptance, and gratitude, and by building a supportive community, individuals can manage their envy and enhance their overall well-being. While envy may never be completely eradicated, it can be managed in a way that allows for a more fulfilling and resilient life.
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