Dear Ms. Meniscus:
I fell in love with Kate when I was 19, but I married Edith when I was 22. I don’t know why. Now I’m a 53-year-old man with ankylosing spondylitis. My wife Edith is great, but if I were honest with myself, I would admit there’s never been a spark. My love is Kate from when I was 19, and she has reappeared – f*&# you Facebook!
Her husband died two years ago, and she friended me seven months ago. We’ve seen each other several times, and the old spark is still there. We’ve had sex, and it was glorious. I’m feeling better than I’ve felt in 30 years and even my wife has noticed. She thinks it’s the new meds. I’m wracked with guilt and trying to decide between two kinds of love, but I know what my heart wants.
Life is very short, especially when it seems so long because of an autoimmune disease like ank spond. So why should you spend one minute in a relationship that isn’t working?
You didn’t say whether you have kids, debts, spare cash, or what you wife thinks of you. I’m going to guess that you two are in a boring but stable and sexless (at least with each other) relationship, and as long as you have health insurance, you’ll be financially stable.
But what we want and what we can have are usually different. And, what you want—to have your Kate and Edith, too—simply isn’t going to happen. You’re living in the past, Kate is looking for a new future, and Edith is taking care of the present, as I suspect she has for the past 34 years. Are you feeling the guilt yet?
Tell Kate it’s been fun but it’s time to get back to home and hearth not hormones. If you’re smart, you’ll keep this dalliance to yourself; hope Kate doesn’t create problems; thank Edith for being there for you; work on being a more respectful partner; and hope you die first because you sound like a man who needs Edith’s structure.