I’ve been sitting on my bed a lot lately, wearing headphones. I’ve been going through my massive collection of online music because all the local TV meteorologists are earning their pay with continuous severe storm and tornado warnings.

With those storms comes the sharp, sudden and breathtaking pains caused by the ups and downs of air pressure – what a barometer measures, and what ushers in what I call “The Barometer Dance.”

barometricdanceI can pretend the limping caused by an aching hip is part of a trendy dance to Muse’s “Panic Station,” or suddenly grabbing my back and arching it is some sexy move to George Ezra’s “Budapest,” and moaning the chorus with the singer, “Ooh, you, Ohh, I’d leave it all.”

I also sit on my bed because it’s about three feet from the closet I’ve chosen to duck inside if it looks a tornado might come visit. Also, we unplug our expensive big screen TV and entertainment center to make sure lightning won’t fry it and retire to the bedroom to watch the weather. (Yes, we have surge protectors but I don’t trust them).

Several weeks ago, it got very close. The tornado warning pretty much put a bulls eye on my house, so I grabbed my dogs, my bicycle helmet, the weather radio, cell phone and into the closet I went, tornado sirens blaring.

It missed, but I heard from friends all over the world the next day. Yes, the house is fine except for some flooding in our garage, but my joints are happily telling me what an idiot I was to get all hunched up in the closet floor.

I’m getting tired of all the rain, but I am sick of the parade of pain this weather is bringing with it.

Give me summer with its hot days and no big weather fronts.

I will happily slather on sunscreen, bring water, wear a hat and avoid direct sunlight if it will save me from unhappily doing that barometer dance.

Let me do my driver’s seat boogie to “Uptown Funk” with the air conditioner blasting in my face. Let’s skip the windshield wiper rhythms and frantic shambles into the house and go back to days so bright I’ve gotta wear shades. That’s what will make me “Happy.”