This is as true in everyday life as it is in battle: we are given one life and the decision is ours whether to wait for circumstances to make up our mind, or whether to act, and in acting, to live.
How long does it take to wish something into being? How many times do you need to say something out loud to make it happen? How many prayers do you need to pray?
With one big decision executed, I have learned that so much of my life can happen as a result of prayers, wishes and my resolute actions. After many years of dreaming to return to California, we have done it! My boyfriend and I moved from Texas to Los Angeles recently and we are so excited to be closer to family and friends, have new career opportunities, a new city to explore and a new opportunity for healing my body in this awesome climate.
As I look back on my years of wishing and whining about wanting to be back in southern California, I can see that the timing wasn’t quite right. There were lessons I still had to learn. But only because God and the universe had to bonk me on the head for the 5th time like I was in some Whack-A-Mouse game at an amusement park. Had I learned these lessons the 1st or 2nd time, perhaps we would have moved sooner…..
What is most remarkable is that once I started to learn those lessons, to finally step up and own my weaknesses and pay attention to the muscles I had to strengthen, new doors started to open swiftly, accolades came for my hard work and results, and I could see a new horizon and a “city of blinding lights”*. Moving back to California, my goal for so long, was suddenly rushing towards me so quickly that I barely had time to tell my parents once our move deadline was set in place.
As our plane took off, tears streamed down my face. Texas got under my skin and there’s no doubt I’m part Texan now. But those tears also represented years of hard work. Years of growing up and learning to live with multiple diseases on my own, facing my first long term hospitalization, facing my diagnosis of lupus, and learning to incorporate new routines into my life involving steroids and very sharp needles. I dealt with the prejudice of living with invisible disabilities, I faced bullies, and survived some burglaries and hurricanes.
I feel a kinship with the Texas wildcatters. I lived while I was in Texas under that big sky. I lived hard.