"Yee haw!" I yelled as my cheeks were flapping from the speed. Randy, my driver, was driving his hot red corvette and despite knocking over the orange cones, I wanted the car to go faster! Faster! 


This past weekend at the racecar track I was certain Randy took it easy on me because I'm a girl. Randy doesn't know what this chick has been through and how much thrill I can handle. 

Back when I was hospitalized in 2007 for gangrene in my left fingers, I was quickly dropped into a death spiral. Within hours I literally went from going to work with an extremely painful finger to suddenly fighting for my life in the ICU. Once I was stable, I was fighting the doctors who wanted to amputate my left hand because it appeared to be dead, with no life left. 

My fingers were as charred as blocks of black charcoal and totally useless. But I felt shocks and zings of sensation flying to the fingertips every so often. It was a small sign, a sign of life and hope that I clung to for weeks and months as I fought my way back to health. 

After feeling the power of my intuition and seeing the influence of my focus on my own healing, I knew I had to maximize opportunities to feel that kind of life force again and again. I'd taken life to it's limits and seen something amazing. What else could I do with that energy?

Anniversary #3 of my hospitalization and lupus diagnosis is approaching in May and three years ago my boyfriend and I made a "thrill seeking wish list." We promised to check off one wish every year despite cautions from well meaning friends and family (which usually just represent their own fears). So far we've made good on our promise to ourselves. 
Next time, I think I'll be driving Randy around the track. 


P.S. This April is my 15th anniversary of living with a scleroderma diagnosis. Hard to believe! I would have thought by now I'd have it all figured out….