I think the mega flare is over. I’m not sure. Does that sound stupid? It’s not, really. Every day I wake up in a lot of pain. It’s just that most days, this pain will lift somewhere between one and two hours of getting up. It’s been an hour. The pain is still bad.
I want to decide it’s a mega flare day, and take my morphine and oxycodone and wallow.
But I won’t. If I do that, I will be wasting another day. Another day where my kids are home on school holidays. This is where I have to be tough. Yesterday it wasn’t even an option. And my kids were bored. They rarely complain, but yesterday my son had a meltdown and wished I never got damn **** stupid arthritis.
So today I have to be stronger. I have another hour to go. I need to have a shower. After that I will know if it’s a mega flare day. If all of this mess hasn’t lifted at least a little, then it’s a couch day and there’s nothing I can do. Except perhaps hope that some of the kids friends text them and invite them out somewhere. AND are prepared to come and pick them up.
Do you know how often I get the raised eyebrow or the eye roll? Because I’m that mum who never offers to drive? Who’s got that arthritis thing, but she looks fine to me?
I do offer to drive. I over offer when I am able. Just lately I haven’t been very able.
Anyway, that’s beside the point. I can’t type for much longer because my hands are seizing.
I should go to the gym and do a 30 minute spin class. Not work hard, just make the wheels go round for 30 minutes. Keep my limbs moving. Lubricate my joints. Say hi to a friend or two. But the risk is that will use up the last of my energy. Then there will be none for the kids.
I need to take my son shopping to get shoes. He hates shopping. So do I. But it needs to be done. Do it tomorrow, you say? I‘ve been saying that for 8 days now.
Is the mega flare over?
I don’t know yet. It’s Orencia day. It could be Orencia running out. I will take my shot tonight. I will be nauseous and exhausted tomorrow. But I should feel an improvement on Wednesday.
Wednesday seems a very long way away on a cold Monday morning.
I do know that it’s prednisone running out. I am down to 10mg now. And as always, my joints and other parts of my body are telling me I need more prednisone. To move. To function. To live.
And my brain is arguing that the side effects are worth the risk. That living now is more important than later.
I may regret that later though.
But later is a relative term. Who knows how far away ‘later’ really is? I already put far too many things in my life off until later. Things that my husband and I were going to do when the kids were a bit older. Adventures we were going to have. Places we were going to go. Experiences.
None of those things will be happening now. For an abundance of reasons. But only one cause.