I have found no consistencies with Rheumatoid Arthritis.

Julie Mills playing the ukulele

Julie Mills playing the ukulele

One day I wake up and my hands are swollen. Other days I’ll wake up and my feet with be in knots. Sometimes my knees just won’t function, or some days it is all together like one big evil team.
I don’t get it.
Just the other day I woke up and my right foot was an absolute mess. The tendonitis was flaring in it, bad. It had given me random nagging pains throughout the week, but when the weekend hit the pain was solid.
This has become a frustrating thing for me. Why can’t there just be a schedule to life and when the flares are going to hit? It would make life much more convenient (could I have 2 days on and 6 days off?) I could easily squeeze time for suffering into my week if I just knew when it was going to hit.
But that’s definitely not how it works.

Flares are random, and for me they are rather sudden. I can be fine one day and the next be a wreck. I just want to lay in bed and sleep all day. Life has to continue though. As a student, there is school, there is work, there are chores. So I adapt.

My greatest setback over the last few years has been the fatigue, its rather chronic. With the fatigue has come bouts of depression. It has been my greatest demon. Even on the days when I am feeling pretty good I am still dead tired. I sleep well each night getting around 8 hours, but no matter that I still am exhausted. So knowing what I know about me and fatigue, I ensure that I get rest on the days when I am home. I take breaks, I take naps, I close my eyes, but then I get going.

I also channel some of my frustration and pain into playing the ukulele. My hands don’t always cooperate, but there’s a beauty in music that touches the soul so deeply. It’s therapy.

I’m going to be completely honest, I have been pretty bad about it the last few weeks, but the days when I forced myself to go for a walk or do some exercises are the best days.

Its all about the happy medium. And for me it most definitely still a test drive.

I wish I had found the cure to a flare, for everyone who has been blessed with this terrible disease (more on that ‘blessing’ later).

My cure is usually a blanket, netflix, and sleep. Sometimes I throw a walk around the block in there, just for good measure.

And it all depends on the day.

Heavens… this lack of consistency drives me crazy.

However we just keep going, and we deal, and we work, and we love, and we push forward.

And that’s just the way it goes.