It’s that time of year again, the time when lists of gifts for niche audiences fly about the Internet, and without fail I read them and have a good chuckle as the author or platform strains to sell something unique, bizarre, gadgetty or just plain junk. Most lists seem generated by websites to just ‘stay in the game’ with all the other list generators, but occasionally there are some really great ideas.
This year I noted with interest a gift list for those with RA, because, you know, we won’t need socks or books like other ‘normal’ people, will we? A quick perusal showed me I would need an extra room to handle all the things that could make my life easier, and a full time caddy to manage it all and hand me the item that might help me at the appropriate time in the midst of my pain and brain fog.
The irony of a 22-page click-through list offering me a product to ease the strain of computer use was not lost on me, but gifts like spa services or home assistance services seem well suited to our fatigued bunch.
It got me thinking about what, exactly, would work for me in the time of my Winter Clench…
Monday Morning Cosmic Reboot (Universe 2.0)
Waking into the nightmare of another week of stuff to get done without the resources or energy to do it, you get to hit “The Button” that resets the planet to a place of kindness and sufficiency. All sickness and want is erased, and humanity is reconnected to Nature and the Godhead. Bliss reigns.
Congratulations! You are to receive a two week medically induced and supervised coma. Your nutrient intake will me calibrated toward optimum health, and all required medical and dental procedures will be performed such that you are recovered upon reawakening. Your muscles will be electrically stimulated continually for enhanced strength.
Choose your new body. Thank old body for faithful service. Go!
Phone app that takes a roar of pain, frustration and anguish uttered in desperation in the wee hours and translates the raw energy it into a fireball creation of a sun in some distant and dark corner of the galaxy, creating new possibility for life somewhere.
The opportunity to remove the suffering of one (all!!) JRA child. Best gift ever!
And for something completely whacky and out of the realm of possibility:
A 90-minute appointment (with follow-up!!!) with a caring expert in the field of my illness who is not bound by outdated prejudices, beguiled by the “Drug War” or beholden to big Pharma to review and refine my protocol. Just an hour and a half with a person who can see me as a whole being with real physical issues and truly offer me comprehensive care without an insurance nanny in the way. Just some sweet mother loving attention without knocks on the door and distractions and squeeze of appointments hustling me through the office.
Jokes aside, may this season bring you some ease and cheer and may you get a sackful o’ spoons for Xmas..
If you think about it, we are one year closer to a cure now! Great strides are being made with the help of us, the informed patients, working with researchers to pin down what works, and if you haven’t thought of becoming a CreakyJoints member I urge you to watch this short video…
…and sign right up. Every member adds weight to our collective voice, which translates to power in lobbying and research.
Best of all possible futures for you in 2015! AHo!