Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My inner voice tells me to leave my husband, but his health insurance from work pays for my biologics. My sister has agreed to set me up with a discreet man on the side who I know and would love to have an affair with, and I’m about to do it. The only problem is fear of getting caught, not respect for my husband. My inner voice also tells me to engage in this affair for my health. I’m sure I would feel better emotionally and physically.

Better off with another

Dear Better off,

I don’t know very many details about your relationship with your husband (or lack of), but I can see that in your mind’s eye, it’s already over. Sneaking around in the short-term may seem exciting and new, but in the long-term, it’s likely something that both of you will come to regret. Keeping track of the web of lies and deceit alone will eventually exhaust you.

It’s not fair to be with your husband just for his benefits, especially if he thinks everything in your marriage is honky dory. You need to come up with a game plan. It’s clear you want out of your marriage. You need to decide either to tell him you want at least a separation (that way you will stay on his insurance), or find a way to start earning your own living so that you or your employer can take care of your medical expenses.

How much do you really know about this new man? It doesn’t seem that you know him very well at all. Do you know how much he will respect you, especially if he’s willing to engage in an extra-marital affair with you? Do you know if this new man has a family? What he does for a living? Do you have any idea if he’s looking for a relationship or just a short-term fling?

There are many unknowns here, and if you’re determined to leave your husband, then I would at least give him the courtesy of telling him.

— M

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