Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black

Two weeks ago I was flattened with influenza. I had a fever for four days, the worst aches and pains (like an RA flare multiplied), an outrageous cough, and a pulse that was through the roof (we’re talking 132 bpm, people). I’m happy to say that I am feeling much better. So now back to my jumbled thoughts and feelings…

This last week I watched the movie Meet Joe Black. I must say that Brad Pitt was extremely handsome in 1998. Besides that point, the movie is filled with surprisingly deep quotes for Hollywood’s normal taste. However they are ones that definitely had my mind pondering.

The one that stuck out to me the most was this:

“Be deliriously happy, or at least leave yourself open to be.”

I live a most beautiful life. It is simple. I think that is the best word to describe it. My husband and I both work and we both go to school. We spend our evenings studying, with movies on in the background. We go to bed early and wake up early. On the weekends we go to bed late and we sleep late. We binge watch TV series (currently Smallville), looking up all the spoilers, and laughing at how silly some of the characters are. We go to cheap movies, and share meals when we go out to eat. We sometimes leave the dishes in the sink for too long, or folded laundry in their baskets. We laugh a lot and support each other more. We go to church together and teach the most darling kids. We work hard, and we feel tired most of the time.

But I can honestly say that I am happy, even deliriously happy.

I found myself sitting on the floor of my old bedroom last night, which has now become my mom’s project room. The husband had gone to a wrestling tournament with his brother so I spent the evening hanging out with my parents. I sat there on the floor as my mom sewed a quilt and we talked about everything and anything. We talked about life, the world, the gospel, and all the in betweens. We listened to good music (Sleeping At Last Pandora radio), and for a second my world just paused and I had this overwhelming feeling. It led to an Instagram post with this picture: (which has probably become one of my favorite pictures of my mother).

Mom Callie sewing a quilt while Julie Mills watches

“Some nights you’re lucky enough to spend the night sitting on the floor by the woman who birthed you and talk about life and the world and listen to good music while she sews. And then you just think how awesome she is, and how she’s done so many incredible things, and how she continues to do those incredible things every single day. And then your heart gets all full and warm and you just feel like the luckiest little daughter in the world, because Heavenly Father gave you the best mom. She’s been my mom for almost 21 years, and I wouldn’t trade a single day.”

I had a similar feeling as I was driving home from work this week. The song “Burning Bridges” by OneRepublic came on my phone’s music shuffle and these words really stuck out, causing my world to slow down for a split second (which led to another Instagram post) : 

Julie Mills and husband Jake in Island Park, Idaho

“You and I were meant to be.

Ain’t no doubt about it.

No way to hide that sort of thing”

Ain’t no doubt about it. I’m thankful for the moments that turn into snapshots. Those moments where everything just slows down and you give yourself enough silence and time to be completely overwhelmed by where you are.

That is what being deliriously happy means to me.

And I love that feeling.

And when I have days where things are just rough and complicated, where I’m just completely frustrated that the pain can’t go away, I think of the second half of that quote:

“…at least leave yourself open to be.” 

Leave yourself open. 

And then as time goes on, maybe you’ll find yourself saying, just as William Parrish said at the end of Meet Joe Black:

“I thought I was going to sneak away tonight. What a glorious night. Every face I see is a memory. It may not be a perfectly perfect memory. Sometimes we had our ups and downs. But we’re all together, and you’re mine for a night. And I’m going to break precedent and tell you my one candle wish: that you would have a life as lucky as mine, where you can wake up one morning and say, “I don’t want anything more.”

“and that’s life.. what can I tell you?”

Julie Mills and husband Jake in Oregon