Cindy, you're being self-destructive. Stop it. You can't believe you've lucked into this great relationship, you are convinced you don't deserve it, and now you're working hard at destroying it. Take a step back and have a nice cold drink of reality. When he's not with you think of what you're going to do with him when you see him. Buy him small gifts, prepare to have fun when you're together. And, most of all, before you go to sleep each night make sure you thank him for being in your life and for helping you have another wonderful day. When you wake up in the morning kiss him, smile at him and say good morning. All men do not cheat, but thinking they do is a fast way to destroy a great relationship.